The Cat Licker

Saturday night, dinner and a movie in, and my first (and last) visit to his home. I arrived at his condo and he talked me in from the parking lot from his third-floor balcony. Even from down in the parking lot, I noticed he had a dish towel over his shoulder that he was using it to wipe sweat from his forehead.

I arrived at his front door and he went in for hug and tried to go cheek to cheek. Thank goodness he was much taller than me. I was able to duck and dodge his cheek by landing my face on his towel free shoulder.

I walked through the front door and the first thing I see is the living room and it is straight from the 80’s. (The year is 2012.) There was even a painting of President Ronald Reagan 1981 – 1989. I thought to myself, when he bought his condo, his parents must have given him their living room furniture and bought new furniture for themselves. It was not your typical bachelor condo. As I was taking it all in, he says, “Don’t you just love the 80’s?” To which I respond, “I do. I lived them, but you must have been a kid. Why do you love the 80’s so much?” He simply responded, “I just do.”

When he invited me over for dinner: I had offered to bring a bottle of wine, salad, or bread to compliment the spaghetti dinner he was making. He merely replied, this was his one dinner he made to impress, and he had it all under control.

He gave me the grand tour of his condo and we ended up in the kitchen. He was making his famous spaghetti sauce – which turned out to be a jar of plain sauce and noodles accompanied by a fine glass of tap water, no ice. No bread or salad either. But he was cooking. ‘A’ for effort.

He didn’t have a kitchen table, so we plated our spaghetti, went to the living room, and sat on opposite ends of the sofa. He shared he had a video for us to watch and asked if I had heard of 80’s comedian, Andrew Dice Clay. Wow! An interesting choice for a first date movie. For those not familiar with Andrew Dice Clay, Wikipedia describes him as: “He rose to prominence in the late 1980’s with a brash, macho persona known as “The Diceman”. His comedy was very dicey and disrespectful towards ladies.

He started the CD, and we were eating dinner. I looked over at him and he seemed so happy. However, he is also sweating like crazy. I am thinking it must be a condition and felt sympathy for him.

At this moment, his cat walks out from the hallway, into the living room, and sits in front of me. A cute enough cat and do I love animals, but I am allergic to cats and dogs. I asked if he noticed in my dating profile, that I am allergic to cats. He looks blankly at me and says, “I didn’t read your profile. I only looked at your photos. It’s great that you use current photos!”

Before I could say anything else, the cat jumps up on the arm rest of the couch and walks behind me. The cat keeps going towards him and stops when he reaches his head and starts licking the sweat from the side of his head! I look away in disbelief, but looked back when I heard the licking sound again. Ewwww! Finally, he asked me, “Does this bother you?” I replied, “What exactly is your cat doing?” I was not expecting him to respond with this. “He likes the salt in my sweat and is licking it off.”

I would like to think I kept my composure, but I am guessing the look of shock on my face said it all. He picked the cat up and sat it down on the floor. The cat jumped back up on the other side of his head and started licking him again. He said, “I am just going to let him lick the sweat, he really likes it.”

As they would have said in the 80’s: Barf Me Out! Gag Me With A Spoon!

I graciously finished my dinner, said goodbye, and then “Booked” out of there.